Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
