It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
