Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
