Yo dont text me then not text me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You may now shotgun with the bride
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
