Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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