do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
did i just pee glitter
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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