How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
