Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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