I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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