he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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