Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We left an ass print on the piano.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
