when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
