He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize