She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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