yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
