So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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