I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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