He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
