Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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