it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
