trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
