The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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