im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
