party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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