chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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