sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are two peas in an std pod
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
