I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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