RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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