omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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