im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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