remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
