I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
