I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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