I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
