I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
