i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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