He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
