Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
