Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
