can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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