Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
