U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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