Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
