just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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