dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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