I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
