i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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