His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize