im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
