sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
