We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You are the jesus of drinking
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
