if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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