i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
