dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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