I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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