it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
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We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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