and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
