he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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