Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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