I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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