3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
